Dating Tips for Finding the Right Person

 Looking for love? These tips will help you find lasting love and build a worthwhile relationship.

Are you single and looking for love? Are you finding it hard to meet the right person? When you’re having trouble finding a love connection, it’s all too easy to become discouraged or buy into the destructive myths out there about dating and relationships.

Life as a single person offers many rewards, such as being free to pursue your own hobbies and interests, learning how to enjoy your own company, and appreciating the quiet moments of solitude. However, if you’re ready to share your life with someone and want to build a lasting, worthwhile relationship, life as a single person can also seem frustrating.

For many of us, our emotional baggage can make finding the right romantic partner a difficult journey. Perhaps you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, healthy relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Or maybe your dating history consists only of brief flings and you don’t know how to make a relationship last. You could be attracted to the wrong type of person or keep making the same bad choices over and over, due to an unresolved issue from your past. Or maybe you’re not putting yourself in the best environments to meet the right person, or that when you do, you don’t feel confident enough.

Whatever the case may be, you can overcome your obstacles. Even if you’ve been burned repeatedly or have a poor track record when it comes to dating, these tips can help put you on the path to finding a healthy, loving relationship that lasts.

Expectations about dating and finding love

When we start looking for a long-term partner or enter into a romantic relationship, many of us do so with a predetermined set of (often unrealistic) expectations—such as how the person should look and behave, how the relationship should progress, and the roles each partner should fulfill. These expectations may be based on your family history, influence of your peer group, your past experiences, or even ideals portrayed in movies and TV shows. Retaining many of these unrealistic expectations can make any potential partner seem inadequate and any new relationship feel disappointing.

Dating tip 1: Keep things in perspective

Don’t make your search for a relationship the center of your life. Concentrate on activities you enjoy, your career, health, and relationships with family and friends. When you focus on keeping yourself happy, it will keep your life balanced and make you a more interesting person when you do meet someone special.

Remember that first impressions aren’t always reliable, especially when it comes to Internet dating. It always takes time to really get to know a person and you have to experience being with someone in a variety of situations. For example, how well does this person hold up under pressure when things don’t go well or when they’re tired, frustrated, or hungry?

Be honest about your own flaws and shortcomings. Everyone has flaws, and for a relationship to last, you want someone to love you for the person you are, not the person you’d like to be, or the person they think you should be. Besides, what you consider a flaw may actually be something another person finds quirky and appealing. By shedding all pretense, you’ll encourage the other person to do the same, which can lead to an honest, more fulfilling relationship.

Tip 2: Build a genuine connection

The dating game can be nerve wracking. It’s only natural to worry about how you’ll come across and whether or not your date will like you. But no matter how shy or socially awkward you feel, you can overcome your nerves and self-consciousness and forge a great connection.

Focus outward, not inward. To combat first-date nerves, focus your attention on what your date is saying and doing and what’s going on around you, rather than on your internal thoughts. Staying fully present in the moment will help take your mind off worries and insecurities.

Be curious. When you’re truly curious about someone else’s thoughts, feelings, experiences, stories, and opinions, it shows—and they’ll like you for it. You’ll come across as far more attractive and interesting than if you spend your time trying to promote yourself to your date. And if you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there’s little point in pursuing the relationship further.

Be genuine. Showing interest in others can’t be faked. If you’re just pretending to listen or care, your date will pick up on it. No one likes to be manipulated or placated. Rather than helping you connect and make a good impression, your efforts will most likely backfire. If you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there is little point in pursuing the relationship further.

Pay attention. Make an effort to truly listen to the other person. By paying close attention to what they say, do, and how they interact, you’ll quickly get to know them. Little things go a long way, such as remembering someone’s preferences, the stories they’ve told you, and what’s going on in their life.

Put your smartphone away.You can’t truly pay attention or forge a genuine connection when you’re multitasking. Nonverbal communication—subtle gestures, expressions, and other visual cues—tell us a lot about another person, but they’re easy to miss unless you’re tuned in.

Tip 3: Put a priority on having fun

Online dating, singles events, and matchmaking services like speed dating are enjoyable for some people, but for others they can feel more like high-pressure job interviews. And whatever dating experts might tell you, there is a big difference between finding the right career and finding lasting love.

Instead of scouring dating sites or hanging out in pick-up bars, think of your time as a single person as a great opportunity to expand your social circle and participate in new events. Make having fun your focus. By pursuing activities you enjoy and putting yourself in new environments, you’ll meet new people who share similar interests and values. Even if you don’t find someone special, you will still have enjoyed yourself and maybe forged new friendships as well.

Tip 4: Handle rejection gracefully

At some point, everyone looking for love is going to have to deal with rejection—both as the person being rejected and the person doing the rejecting. It’s an inevitable part of dating, and never fatal. By staying positive and being honest with yourself and others, handling rejection can be far less intimidating. The key is to accept that rejection is an inevitable part of dating but to not spend too much time worrying about it. It’s never fatal.

Tip 5: Watch for relationship red flags

Red-flag behaviors can indicate that a relationship is not going to lead to healthy, lasting love. Trust your instincts and pay close attention to how the other person makes you feel. If you tend to feel insecure, ashamed, or undervalued, it may be time to reconsider the relationship.

Tip 6: Deal with trust issues

Mutual trust is a cornerstone of any close personal relationship. Trust doesn’t happen overnight; it develops over time as your connection with another person deepens. However, if you’re someone with trust issues—someone who’s been betrayed, traumatized, or abused in the past, or someone with an insecure attachment bond—then you may find it impossible to trust others and find lasting love.

If you have trust issues, your romantic relationships will be dominated by fear—fear of being betrayed by the other person, fear of being let down, or fear of feeling vulnerable. But it is possible to learn to trust others. By working with the right therapist or in a supportive group therapy setting, you can identify the source of your mistrust and explore ways to build richer, more fulfilling relationships.

Tip 7: Nurture your budding relationship

Finding the right person is just the beginning of the journey, not the destination. In order to move from casual dating to a committed, loving relationship, you need to nurture that new connection.

Many Ways to Last Longer In Bed

 One of the most frustrating afflictions that can befall a man is premature ejaculation. It's embarrassing, it's unexpected, and it turns what is supposed to be one life's greatest joys into one of life's greatest disappointments. No one wants to have to say I'm sorry at any point before, during, or after sex.

But men should know that while yes, PE can be incredibly frustrating, it's also incredibly common. “Premature ejaculation is a problem that affects almost every man at some point in his life,” says Thomas J. Walsh, M.D., a urologist at the University of Washington. While you're more likely to experience PE in your twenties and thirties, as many as one out of three men of all ages say they've experienced it at some point in their lives.

Knowing you're not alone can be comforting, but unfortunately it isn't going to change the reality of how PE can affect your agenda in the bedroom. If you want to start lasting longer in bed, then you're going to need to do something about it. This is far easier said than done.

What is the average time for ejaculation?

In a 2005 study, researchers had 500 heterosexual couples use stopwatches to measure the time between vaginal penetration and male ejaculation over four weeks of sex sessions. The overall median time was 5.4 minutes.

Lots of guys don't last as long as that. The 2014 book The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grown-Ups reported that nearly half of guys finish within two minutes, according to the New Republic.

You may be diagnosed with PE if you routinely ejaculate within one minute of penetration, no matter how hard you try to delay it.

One of the reasons PE is so maddening is that it can feel like you have no control over it. The harder you try to prevent it, the worse it seems to get. Yes, you may be able to last a few seconds longer in bed by thinking about your fantasy baseball team, but who wants to be thinking about baseball statistics during sex? Are there any substantive solutions?Thankfully, the answer is yes. Despite how hopeless your situation may feel, there are indeed plenty of smart, sensible, and healthy ways to curb, if not cure, your premature ejaculation and last even longer in bed.

1. Work it out

Or, in other words, work out your pubococcygeal (PC) muscles of the pelvic floor, and work them out good. To understand what these muscles feel like when they're fired up, trying cutting off the flow of urine the next time you're using the bathroom. After you cut it off, let it flow, then cut it off again, then let it flow again.

For help isolating those PC muscles, try standing in front of a mirror and using them to lift your testicles — without the help of your hands. Imagine “lifting your nuts to your guts” or “shortening your penis,” Dr. Sandra Hilton, PT, DPT, a doctor physical therapy at Entropy Physiotherapy and Wellness in Chicago, Illinois, previously told

Once you have a feel for how to expand and contract your PC muscles, tighten and hold for a count of 10, then release. Practice in sets of 10. The beauty of this exercise, which will result in heightened ejaculatory control and help you last longer in bed, is that you can do it practically anywhere.

There’s scientific proof that kegels can help men make sex last longer. As Men’s Health UK reported: “A 2005 study found that 75 percent of men improved erectile function after doing kegels. In another study, Italian researchers found that 61 percent of men were cured of premature ejaculation through rehabilitation of the pelvic floor muscles.”

2. Limit your thrusting

There are plenty of ways to enjoy intercourse without thrusting like a jackrabbit. You can massage the tip of your penis into her clitoral hood. You can focus on the nerve endings in her vaginal entrance instead of seeing how deep you can get. You can press your penis against her G-spot. Sure, throw a little thrusting in there too, but if you feel like you're about to reach the point of no return, there are ways to slow things down without sacrificing her pleasure.

3. Switch things up

Instead of picking one position and pounding away like the aforementioned jackrabbit, try alternating between a few different configurations to last longer during sex, licensed sex psychotherapist Vanessa Marin advised over at Bustle. Negotiating your bodies into new positions will let you press pause on your trip to the finish line.

Marin also recommends experimenting with “tiring or tricky” positions to last longer; you may find yourself less likely to come if your brain is focused on balance or precision.

Need some inspiration? Check out our list of the 45 best sex positions every couple should try. You might want to skip doggy style, which makes it easy to go fast and deep — a climactic combination. Consider having your partner go on top, where she can take the reins on rhythm and depth.

4. Edging

Delaying your orgasm while masturbating can be one of the most effective ways to train yourself to last longer during sex. This is also known as edging, and according to Dr. Walsh it's one of the most common techniques for avoiding premature ejaculation. Basically, you bring yourself right to the edge of orgasm before stopping all sexual or masturbatory activity until you have your excitement under control.

Practicing this technique can help you teach your brain and body to better control your orgasm response and make sex last longer, says sex therapist Emily Morse, Ph.D. Just be sure to use a lot of lotion or lube while you practice edging to avoid chafing, she adds.

Speaking of masturbation, rubbing one out an hour or two before sex may help you delay ejaculation, according to the Mayo Clinic.

5. The Squeeze

If you can feel your orgasm coming on, stop and squeeze right below the head of your penis. Apply firm pressure with your thumb and forefinger and focus the pressure on the urethra, or the tube running along the underside of the penis, advises Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sex therapist and author of She Comes First.

The squeeze technique can help you last longer in bed by pushing blood out of the penis and momentarily decreasing sexual tension, which represses the ejaculatory response, Kerner says.

“This is another type of biofeedback, similar to edging.” says Dr. Walsh.

6. Ladies first

Many women require clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm in the first place, so while you're trying to keep your own orgasm at bay, get to work and help her find her own bliss. Whether you use your mouth, your fingers, or a toy—hey, we recommend all three!—knowing she’s enjoyed an orgasm may relieve some of the pressure you’re feeling to last longer in bed, Kerner says.

7. Masturbate beforehand

Masturbating alone prior to a sexual encounter is a free and simple technique to help fight premature ejaculation. “A lot of my patients will masturbate prior to sex,” explains Dr. Evan Goldstein, D.O., a proctologist who specializes in men's sexual health at Bespoke Surgical. “Sometimes ejaculating too quickly is due to the fact that you’re all riled up and haven’t ejaculated recently, which means your prostate is fully engorged.” When it’s been a while since you last ejaculated, the slightest touch, lick, or thrust can set you off (literally).

Goldstein continued, “If you masturbate close to when you know you’re going to have sex, you’re essentially having sex a second time, which means it will take a little longer to climax.” He did, however, caution to practice the appropriate timing in between sessions because the last thing you want is to then not be able to perform at all.

If you notice you’re still having issues with PE even when masturbating beforehand, then you can masturbate repeatedly beforehand to help combat the issue during sex.

8. Condom control

If you struggle with premature ejaculation, condoms can be your best friend when it comes to lasting longer during sex. (Also, you should be using them anyway, bro.) Most major condom manufacturers make extra-thick rubbers that act like a slip-on desensitizer for your member during sex, Morse says, and these can help you avoid premature ejaculation. Try Trojan's Pleasures Extended, which comes with a numbing agent to help prolong pleasure for you the both of you.

9. Pills

In Europe, there are many legal drugs that purportedly help you last longer in bed, Dr. Walsh says. The problem: The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) hasn’t approved those drugs to treat PE in the U.S. Why?

“Even though trials show these drugs genuinely benefitted men with premature ejaculation, the FDA sets a very high bar for drugs used to treat non-life threatening conditions,” Dr. Walsh explains.

There's also evidence to suggest that some antidepressants can help delay orgasm—Paxil, or paroxetine, has proven to be particularly effective—but they could lead to mood changes or other side effects and shouldn't be used unless prescribed by a doctor, says Dr. Walsh. So at the end of the day, these should be considered a last resort.

Depending on how sexually active you are, you can either take the medication daily or as needed before sex, says Matthew Lemer, MD., a urologist at Beth Israel Medical Center. You’ll just want to find out from your doctor how long it’ll take for the medication to kick in, since it varies from drug to drug.

10. Anesthetic wipes

In 2017, a small study found that applying wipes covered in a small amount of benzocaine, a mild anesthetic, can help you last longer in bed. The problem? If your partner has a vagina, the wipes could have the unintended effect of numbing her down there, says NYC-based urologist Dr. David Samadi.

If you’re interested in trying out anesthetic wipes, Roman—the online service that sends generic erectile dysfunction medication straight to your door—also offers “Roman Swipes.” The Swipes have a 4% benzocaine solution, which reportedly reduces overstimulation without eliminating sensation altogether.

Additionally, Jamin Brahmbhatt, MD, urologist and sexual health expert at Orlando Health, suggests numbing medications—like Promescent—that come in creams and sprays. “Similar to a condom these things can cause you to have less sexual pleasure,” Brahmbhatt explains. “Plus, it can affect the partners satisfaction as well. Make sure your partner knows you are using it as a heads up and also to make sure they don’t have a history or allergic reaction or problem with its use.”

11. Tech support

A new FDA-cleared program called Prolong purportedly helps train you to delay ejaculation by jerking off with a special device. For $299, you get a vibrating masturbation gadget, a guidebook, and some lube.

"Over your six-week training program, the studs and vibrations combine to fine tune that over-sensitive sweet spot under the head of your penis just enough to hand you the reigns to your climax," its website — a sexual health platform called Smiling Dick — states.

Don’t want to spend $299, but still want to treat your PE? There’s an app for that.

Check out the Premature Ejaculation App — or Pea, for short. Billed as a “virtual sex therapist,” the app guides you through a three-step masturbation training program to help treat your PE, and lets you track your improvement over time.

12. Ask an expert

If you feel like you’ve tried everything to have better, longer sex without success, it may be time to discuss your problem with a doctor, Dr. Walsh says. “A lot of the treatments we’ve already discussed—edging and biofeedback—are pretty challenging techniques that a specialist can help you use effectively.”

He recommends asking your doctor for a referral to a urologist, who can either treat you himself or refer you to the right person for your problem.

“He or she will help you approach this practically and pragmatically,” Dr. Walsh says, adding, “It’s not about getting in touch with your inner self. It’s about learning the physical or mental mechanisms that can help you avoid premature ejaculation.”

12 Greatest Sex Tips for Women

 There are countless books, instructional videos, and colorful diagrams devoted to answering the question, "How can I please my lover in bed?" While plenty (if not all) of this advice is helpful, perfecting your lovemaking techniques isn't the sole path to having better sex—especially since not everyone's brought to a mind-scrambling climax the same ways.

"Sex has no goal but pleasure and fun, and doesn’t always involve genitals, penetration or even orgasm, either," says Dr. Chris Donaghue, sex and relationship therapist, podcast host, and author of Rebel Love. "Good sex is about play."

In the spirit of enjoying the ride, we asked experts to recommend the best sex tips for women.

Get to know your own body, first and foremost.

Yes, "this means masturbation," says Gigi Engle, certified sex coach and author of the upcoming All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life.

Knowing what brings you pleasure doesn't just make sex more satisfying for you; it boosts your confidence during an encounter, making things more fun for everyone involved.

"So many women don't spend time with themselves, nor do they devote enough time to really get to know what brings them pleasure," Engle adds.

Ask your partner what they like.

Whether you've been together for years or just started seeing each other, it's likely you'll learn something new about your bedmate's desires by...simply asking.

"Communication is a huge cornerstone of good sex," Engle explains. "Asking each other what you like is pretty much the only way either of you is going to get what you want."

If you're sheepish about broaching the subject, preferring to go by moans alone, remember that it's a chance to learn more about each other and make sex better in the long run. "We have a lot of shame and embarrassment in general around sex so talking about it can be nerve-wracking," says Engle. She says,"Approach your partner with empathy, and express a desire to bring them the most pleasure possible. Then, share your desires as well."

Sext your partner during the day.

Tap your phone's potential as a seduction tool by sending sexy texts—a.k.a "sexts."

"Sex and arousal can begin long before you're face-to-face," says Donaghue. "Building arousal prior to sexual engagement will lead to peak sexuality."

You can share a fantasy, or describe—in detail—what you'd like to do to them later. If you're both new to exchanging sexts, you might want to start off PG-13 and let things naturally escalate at your own pace. Only you can speak to the specific vibe of your text exchanges (such as whether peppering in some eggplant emoji will be met with laughter as opposed to confusion), so the main rule is to keep it playful.

One more tip: Fix your phone's notification settings to prevent new messages from displaying on your lock screen. It'll keep your steamy exchange away from coworkers and/or kids' prying eyes.

Use (and ask for) multiple levels of stimulation.

You might strike up a dialogue about the speed or pressure your partner enjoys when you're stroking them down there. And don't neglect the rest of their body, either—skin is the body's largest organ, after all.

"While performing oral sex or during intercourse, use your hands to stimulate other areas of the body, and ask partners to do the same to you," Donaghue advises. Rub their thighs, stomach, and any other place they've let you know they like to be touched.

If your partner has a prostate, pay it some attention.

The prostate—the typically-walnut-sized gland located between a man's penis and bladder—is most often discussed in a medical context. But Donaghue urges people not to "shame or avoid this powerful, pleasure-giving body part. It can lead to bigger, and even multiple orgasms."

Some men are able to experience a prostate orgasm—as the International Society for Sexual Medicine points out, this earns its nickname as "the male G-spot." You can massage the prostate with your hands, or stimulate it anally by inserting a finger or clean sex toy (you'll want to get consent in a conversation before you try this, of course).

Lube makes everything go more smoothly.

It cannot be stressed enough: Lube is great for adults of every age.

"Too many women act under the false assumption that they should be getting so 'wet' that they don't 'need' to use lube," Engle says. "This is completely wrong. You should be using lube no matter the situation."

Skipping personal lubricant can lead to vaginal tearing, irritation from friction, and pain during sex, Engle explains. "Lube also helps everything slide and slip more easily, providing a barrier between skin and fingers or toys," she adds. To find the lubricant that's best for you, here's a lube 101 primer—and ten great options. 

Follow your fantasies.

"What's your fantasy?" isn't just the title of an incredible Ludacris song; it's a question you should know the answer to when it comes to your own. Sexual fantasies are far from unusual—in fact, here are eight of the most common ones.

Donaghue calls fantasies the "most honest parts of our sexuality." While not every fantasy needs to be acted on in real life, they can serve as a valuable guide. "The arousing thoughts and ideas in your head, the types of porn that you watch, and the things out in the world that turn you on are all important aspects of your sexual psychology," he says.

Try out new sex toys.

If you've never used a sex toy in the bedroom before, Donaghue recommends them to "amp up arousal and to explore diverse sensations."

Once considered the province of perverts, toys have come a long way in terms of image, features, and the materials they're made from. There's an exciting product out there for every taste—like these 20 for couples to enjoy, for example.

Resist falling back on what "works."

Donaghue says that though our turn-ons are "always evolving and changing," it's easy to "fall into sexual habits and routines, reinforcing the same sexual behaviors over and over." Shake things up with different positions, role-play, or even just get busy in a new room (in or away from home). "Sex can be new and novel even with repeat partners," he says.

Harness your attraction to other people.

Even those who are wholly devoted to a significant other can find themselves attracted to someone else. Instead of beating yourself up about your natural, hormonal reaction (or worse, acting on it and cheating), redirect those fired-up feelings and love the one you're with. "If you're turned on at work, or by someone you see at the gym, carry it with you and take that sexual energy home to use with your partner," Donaghue says.

Don't forget that "sex" means way more than just penetration.

"Sex doesn't have a hierarchy wherein one act is better or more important than the other," Engle says. To that end, she recommends more oral sex all around—not just giving, but receiving, too.

Your pleasure will be a turn-on for your partner, and Engle urges you to "take as long as you need to fully enjoy yourself, and orgasm, if that's on the table. Getting fully aroused is crucial before having intercourse, as the vagina naturally lubricates and expands, and oral sex can get you there."

Don't fixate on orgasm as the only goal.

Intense Os are great, but they're not the be-all and end-all, and pressure to perform is like a cold splash of ice water on an otherwise good time. "Putting focus on orgasm puts you into a negative feedback loop," Engle explains. "You pressure yourself to orgasm, which gives you anxiety about not having an orgasm, which in turn makes you too anxious to orgasm.".

"Instead of thinking of sex as a performance with a big finale, think of it as a journey," says Engle. "This will actually make you more likely to orgasm. When you don't feel pressured, you can experience your full range of pleasure."

10 Unfiltered Sex Tips for the Best Action You've Ever Gotten

 When it comes to knowing what makes your partner tick in the bedroom, Googling "mind-blowing sex positions" only get you so far. Stimulating and gratifying sex is all in the timing, the communication, and the spontaneity, according to Dr. Bea Jaffrey—a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist based in Switzerland—and Mary Jo Rapini, a Houston-based psychiatrist and sex therapist. But what does that mean you should do, exactly? Fortunately, Rapini shared tips with Marie Claire about what actually works in the bedroom (lots of her tips are backed up by research, to boot!), and Jaffrey gave us some pointers from her book on overcoming common sex issues (159 Mistakes Couples Make in the Bedroom).

1. Tell Them What Turns You On

Research suggests that better communication is key to better sex—and no, we don't necessarily mean dirty talk. Communicating what you like and don't like can be instructional and informative, no matter how much you think you already know each other's bodies. If they're doing something you like, say so rather than relying on ambiguous gestures or noises. And if it's something you're not into, communicate that or guide them in a new direction. Want to try a different angle? Suggest one. If simultaneous orgasm is your goal and you're close to climaxing, don't be mum about it.

2. Give Them a Confidence Boost

In a 2016 study published in the Journal of Sex Research, researchers analyzed answers from 39,000 heterosexual couples that were married or cohabiting for over three years. Sexual satisfaction reported to be higher among the couples who revealed that they gave each other positive affirmation during sex and were open enough about embarrassing moments during sex to joke about them and move on. Dr. Jaffrey notes that this lighthearted approach to sex is key, saying, "Don't take life too seriously. Happy couples laugh together."

3. Keep Things Spontaneous

Even great sex can start to feel monotonous over time if it's more or less the same old routine. To mix things up, Marie Claire's guy expert Lodro Rinzler suggests: "If you're in bed with someone and have a sense of something new you or your partner might enjoy, be it some teasing, a change in position, anything…go for it."

Dr. Jaffrey also recommends switching up the time and place to avoid falling into a rut of once-a-week "duty sex." "Try new places to have sex, maybe on the sofa, in the car or on the kitchen countertops? Or how about the back row of a movie theater? Be careful though, because sex is illegal in public places. Try role-playing...take a bath together. Be inventive, have fun."

Long-term desire is built on a foundation of novelty. Otherwise erotic energy will naturally dissipate for most couples. Trying new things is the key to keeping the fire going.

4. Foreplay Should Start Days Beforehand

Jaffrey notes that setting the mood for sex is vital, for women especially, and that foreplay should start long before sex even begins: "I am talking here about the mental foreplay that happens days in advance, not the one that you have just before sex. Make sure to be attentive to your partner. Small gestures and nice comments are significant to setting the right mood for sex." She also suggests keeping up communication during the day through texts or emails.

5. Spend Time With Yourself, Too

Having good sex requires knowing what you like in bed. The only way to fully understand your pleasure potential is to masturbate and explore your body. Masturbation is a healthy form of self-exploration and should be encouraged for all people, even those in relationships. Studies show that masturbation doesn't make you want sex less, it actually has the opposite effect.

Try to spend at least two days a week enjoying your own body. This will improve your sex life, because your partner is not a mind reader. When you know exactly how you like to be touched, you can better communicate your desires to your partner.

6. Have an Orgasm Before Penetration

Before you put anything inside a vagina, it's important that you're fully, properly aroused. When you're aroused, the vagina expands and gets wet while the genital tissue becomes engorged with blood. This helps intercourse and penetration feel good rather than painful or uncomfortable. Be sure you're giving adequate time and attention to the clitoris. If possible, have an orgasm before penetration. Women and female-bodied people have orgasms most reliably through oral sex or with a sex toy. Make your pleasure a priority.

7. Expand Your Vocabulary

The power of sexy banter in the bedroom gets underplayed, but it can be a serious mood-enhancer when you're trying to liven things up together. Going about that, however, isn't the easiest for people who aren't used to actually vocalizing 50 Shades-esque fantasies. "What my [clients] benefit the most from is when they go to a bookstore or they go online and they find an erotic book," says Rapini.

She suggests that couples read from erotic books together, especially if they want to work on developing a "dirty talk" vocabulary that gives them the language cues without feeling self-conscious. Reading off scripts, she says, never works as well as if couples find a book they really like together and can build off of that jargon.

8. Experiment with Toys and Props

One way that Rapini counsels long-term couples on how to explore the unknown to enhance their sexual experience is to try shopping for products and toys together. That could mean anything from couples' vibrators (she recommends the remote-controlled Fiera) to massage oils to body paint to blindfolds, though Rapini says another way to set the scene is to try adding music as sexy background noise. "Make massage part of your routine and start touching each other. Many couples will start feeling their libido rise after they do that," she says. 

9. Focus on Quality Rather Than Quantity

There is no "right amount" of sex you should be having. This is a myth. As long as both people are satisfied, you're doing great. There isn't one golden rule, but a recent study suggested that more sex doesn't mean better sex and that the happiest couples have sex only once a week.

So if you're anxious about you and your partner not screwing like rabbits, there's proof that the more energy you put into making regular weekly sex *better* will pay off in the long run. Focus on how much pleasure you and your partner are experiencing during any one session, not how often you're physically hopping in bed.

10. Have empathy for one another.

It's often underestimated how important empathy is when it comes to sex. Empathy is the care and understanding of a another person's feelings, and this is incredibly important in sex because when you feel that your partner actually cares about your pleasure, you're going to be more into having sex with them. We often come to sex with too much ego, and that's a real shame. We should be understanding and loving towards one another. Sex can be confusing, awkward, weird, and very hot. Make room for your many, many feelings in order to co-create an amazing erotic experience.

Sex Tips for Women: 9 of the Hottest

 At WH, we're here to help you make your sex life better. And, in the time of sexual wellness hitting the mainstream (see: Boots' freshly comprehensive range of sex toys and the boom of 'erotic audio content', like the Dipsea app, which has been downloaded 300,000 times, since launching in December 2018) it makes sense to speak more candidly about ways to enhance your time under the covers.

Enter: our handy sex tips for women guide. FYI, these are targeted at women who have sex with men. To compile them, WH spoke to sexology researcher Dr Dany Cordeau to find out the stops you need to know about, and how you can get them going.

You'll probably already know some of these sex tips for women, but we guarantee you'll learn a thing or two about some unexpected turn-ons.

When you're done here, wise up on the biggest female erogenous zones for better orgasms (or, casually leave this web page open around your partner so they swot up, too). And, if you're going it alone, this five day plan will take your masturbation game to the next level.

9 sex tips for women: how to become better in bed

1/ Learn to kiss, properly

Full-on kissing boosts levels of dopamine in the brain, a desire-spiking neurotransmitter in both men and women, according to a study in The American Journal of Medicine.

To get your other half going, try this piece of sex advice: trace his lips slowly with your tongue, or softly bite the edge of his lower lip with your teeth, advises sexologist Carol Queen.

But, before you think about putting this tip to the test during a steamy summer pool sesh, you might want read on and think twice before having sex in water.

2/ Play with their ears

In a survey, ears ranked just behind the scrotum as a body part that, when touched, can help men reach their peak. Who knew it was such a turn on?

3/ Don't be scared of the scrotum

No biting or pinching, please: this area holds your man's reproductive power, making it extra vulnerable to sharp impact.

So what is up its street and worth ranking in the nine sex tips for women? Gentle sucking, squeezing or cupping, which may help some men reach climax more easily during sex, says sex coach Charlie Glickman.

When it comes to foreplay, use this technique from Harwick: 'Start with your hand around both balls, then bring your fingertips together over them – like you're picking up a napkin off the floor.'

4/ Get involved in the neck

His neck is as tingle-triggering as your own, and a study published in the journal Ergonomics found that the nape loves low-frequency vibrations.

Take advantage by kissing the back of his neck with your mouth slightly open, and hum. 'The combination of heat and vibrations will help prompt some serious sensations for him,' sex expert Emily Morse says.

Or dip into your toy drawer for a fingertip vibe and massage his hairline.

Things not going quite to plan? Make sure you're not making one of the 6 biggest mistakes couples make in the bedroom before carrying on.

5/ Don't be shy with the shaft

Men rated the shaft tops for orgasmic sensitivity when compared with the rest of their nether regions, says a survey published in the journal BJU International.

Because the internal erectile tissues lie deep beneath the skin's surface, when it comes to how to get your grip on, the best sex tips for women will tell you that many guys like the shaft handled pretty firmly. Form a fist around it, moving up and down and adding pressure as you go.

6/ Pay his nipples some attention

They'd like a little TLC, FYI. Men who were surveyed for a study in the journal Cortex admitted that the nips are one of their top hot spots.

Queen suggests sucking on one while stroking your man's penis with your hand. 'Adding the two erogenous zones together can be very pleasurable,' she says.

7/ Get involved with the head

The head of the penis, or the glans, has significantly more nerves than the shaft, so don't skimp on the attention. (The tip is basically the closest thing he has to a clitoris, though it's not nearly as sensitive, says Cordeau. We win in that department.)

After coating your fingers in lube, 'loop them into an O shape and slide them over the glans', Queen advises. Then use short, slow pumps that tighten around the tip.

8/ Hit a bum note

Glickman calls the prostate gland (located a finger's length inside the bum) the 'male G-spot' in his book The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure.

To hit this orgasm-inducing region, you'll need to insert a (well-lubricated) digit into your man's behind, directed toward the front of his body, says Queen.

If neither you nor him is up for that, you can also stimulate the prostate by touching the perineum.

9/ Have a perineum party

Located behind the scrotum and before his rear entry, this spot contains a gent's ejaculatory muscles – which, when massaged, can make his blast-off feel even more intense, says Glickman.

Try Morse's oral-sex advice: 'Use your thumb to gently rub the perineum in a circular motion, keeping in rhythm with what your mouth is doing. Right before he is about to finish, press the spot firmly to give him an orgasm to top all orgasms.'

Then ask for anything you want in return, obvs.

Sex tips for women mastered. Now, ever wondered how much sex your should be having? This is the exact amount of sex you should have to be happy. You're welcome.

10 Sex Tips for Women That Men Really Want You to Know

 Freud once called female sexuality "the dark continent," and if that's true, then male sexuality might as well be the dark planet. Because when it comes to sex, men are far from simple. (As much as they may try to convince us otherwise.) The bedroom is one of the great stages of male performance, so what you see on TV is typically far from what can (and should) be delivered in reality. That's why sex experts chimed in with more accurate insight about what guys really want you to know when the two of you climb into bed. Here are their top sex tips for women.

1. Men respond to praise.

It's believed that men are so consumed by libido that they have no self-consciousness surrounding sex. But that couldn't be further from the truth. "[There are] plenty of men who feel very self-conscious about their weight, or parts of their body, and really are affected by this in the bedroom," says Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., author of A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex and Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters. Many are impacted by performance anxiety too, asking themselves questions like, "Will I be able to get an erection?," "Have I gained too much weight?" and, "Will I be able to please her?"

for him to hear compliments both in and out of the bedroom. Mintz suggests starting outside the bedroom, when you can have what she calls a "kitchen table sex talk" — AKA a lower-stakes time to discuss things that are bothering you in the bedroom without having to be "in the moment" of, well, having sex. That's when your partner can talk about what pressures he's feeling, or what he's self-conscious about. Then, you can boost his confidence.

"In a really good, connected, long-term partnership, there's not a magic word that will work wonders; it's more about getting to know what it is your partner is worried about, and addressing that outside of the bedroom, when he's not already anxious about whatever the issue at hand is."

Once you're in the bedroom (and aware of his insecurities), remind him of how much you enjoy being intimate. For example, if he's worried about his weight, maybe give him a sexy once-over and tell him how how buff he looks naked. Other key areas to compliment: His gut, as men often worry about the size of it (and other measurable parts), and their hair, as guys tend to feel self-conscious once they start losing it.

2. Some fear intimacy.

But not for the reason you think! Studies have shown that boys are more affectionate, even more expressive, than girls until they reach school age. At that time, social repression begins — of words, thoughts, feelings — and the desire for human connection goes underground. So taboo is this desire for intimacy that its possibility can terrify men; not because it's smothering, but because they realize how desperate they are for it.

So what's a woman to do? First, understand that your guy's hasty retreat post-sex may be because he doesn't understand how much he craves a connection with you. Then, it's time for another kitchen table sex talk, Mintz says. "If he's been jumping in the shower right after sex for the last 10 years, he's going to be really taken off guard if, the next time he goes into the shower, you all of a sudden say it upsets you," she explains. "Instead, set aside a time to talk when the situation has passed."

When you do talk, Mintz suggests using the sandwich technique: Give him a compliment, tell him your problem, then follow it up with another compliment. Example: "I really love having sex with you, and after we have sex I feel really close and connected. I know you really want to shower, but I really want to cuddle. Is there a compromise that will work for both of us?"

It can be as simple as asking to cuddle for five minutes before a shower, or even showering together. Regardless of the solution, talking about it may reveal something you never knew, and allows fore more understanding before coming up with a new norm that'll make all parties happy.

3. They appreciate sex for sex.

While intimacy and post-sex cuddling can be wonderful for many men, sometimes a little "throw-me-down sex" is exactly what they want, plain and simple. "Men want their wives to enjoy raw sex, not just endure it or take it personally," says Joe Kort, Ph.D, a psychotherapist and sexologist in Royal Oak, Michigan. "It's not [always] about dominating a woman, but rather ravishing her." On occasion, don't be afraid to let him do just that. (So long as it's something you're comfortable with, of course.)

4. Guys want to be touched.

The penis gets all the press, but men have many erogenous zones, just like women, says psychologist Melodie Schaefer, PsyD. They just don't tell you to move your hands elsewhere because they're afraid that if they do, women will shut down and not touch them at all, she explains. "But there are many places a woman should touch, like the chest, inner thighs, and face," Schaefer adds. Another key move: Gently gripping a man's testicles, as it can be a real turn-on that blends control with release. You can also stimulate the perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus, which heightens pleasure during oral sex.

5. Yes, they have sexual fantasies.

"Men want to share their fantasies but worry their wives will shame or judge them," Dr. Kort says. Similarly, Dr. Schaefer notes that men wish women would reveal their own sexual imaginings. The solution: Make a game of it.

First (and most important), promise not to judge the other. Then, privately write out scenarios that have tantalized you and place them in a box. Next time you're feeling hot and heavy, pull one out. Either jump right into fulfilling that fantasy or, if you need a little more time to adjust, ask what it is about that fantasy that your partner likes, Dr. Kort says. "Sometimes, its themes can be addressed in different scenarios that feel comfortable for both of you," he adds.

6. Men want you to be vocal.

Talking during sex stimulates more than our ears, as Mintz says heavy breathing, groaning, and moaning are all sounds that we make when we're feeling free, and studies have shown that it's erotic for all parties involved to hear. It's also a great way to really express what you want, which is a huge turn-on for men when they know they're doing exactly what you need to have an orgasm.

If you're not usually one to speak up, Mintz suggests trying it solo first. "Next time you're masturbating, make some noise," she says. "You might find something is really fun, and then you can transfer that to partner sex." Otherwise, saying anything that's praising, instructive, and even a little dirty tends to go over well with men. Tell him exactly how you want to be touched (and where, and using what) and you'll his pleasure meter — and yours —through the roof.

7. And they want you to be honest.

Sex can help ease many stressors in a relationship, but it can also cause stress. If he complains about a lack of sex (or the fact that you're only doing certain things on his birthday), then be honest about what's causing you to withhold.

One reason that you may not even be aware of is an issue called receptive desire, Mintz says. "As a woman ages and the relationship goes on, [many] stop being spontaneously horny," she explains. "A lot of men and women don't know this, so they wait to be [turned on] to have sex...But you can have sex to get [turned on], rather than wait to be [turned on] to have sex."

If you have a normative lack of desire and don’t know about it, Mintz says these kitchen table sex talks are especially important because they can help both of you realize what issues are really at hand without feeling attacked, hurt, or rejected.

Of course, it's also possible that there’s anger, resentment, or deeper issues going on. If that's the case, Mintz says you shouldn't be using sex as a weapon — that's only going to cause more harm in the relationship — and should instead be honest about how you're feeling. If you're not comfortable bringing it up on your own (or discussing it when your partner does), she suggests seeing a therapist, who can help the two of you navigate the issue in a healthy way.

8. Guys enjoy the dance.

Men like a good quest, so even if you've been together for awhile, allow your partner to court you. "Emotional intimacy is about closeness, but sustaining sexual desire demands a certain amount of distance," Dr. Kort says.

How do couples strike this tricky balance? By allowing each partner to have what he calls "separate sexuality," or a sex life that doesn't include (or betray) the other. "For him, that might mean allowing his wife to use sex toys or letting other men look at her," Dr. Kort says. "For her, it might be permitting him to watch pornography in order to experience a fantasy." Such indulgences help maintain the balance of desire and devotion for both parties, so talk to your partner outside of the bedroom and see if this is something one (or both of you) might be interested in.

9. Speaking of pornography, it isn't always a big deal.

Finding a spouse using pornography is a top reason couples seek counsel, but it shouldn't be overreacted to or pathologized, Dr. Kort says. First of all, sex addicts only represent 3-6% of the population, so it's unlikely your man is one. Plus, because childhood experiences influence sexuality as an adult, people are very idiosyncratic about what turns them on, Dr. Kort says. "So no woman can, nor should be, everything to a man."

Still, it's tough not to take it personally when he's getting off by looking at another woman. To help tamper that, Dr. Kort recommends taking the secrecy out of pornography and discussing it. "Ask him what about it turns him on, and [express without anger] what turns you off," he says. That way, a dialogue is created that allows for honesty, dignity, and closeness without him feeling like he's doing something shameful, while you can figure out what you're OK with accepting and what you're not.

10. Men want you to embrace sex.

Guys are often accused of being sexually insatiable, but women should rethink this line of thought. "Men see sex as a celebration," Dr. Schaefer says. "They wish women would take more of a 'carpe diem' approach to it."

We all move through life at the speed of sound, with multiple challenges and pressures. That makes it easy to allow demands on our time and energy to rob us of the joy, pleasure, and opportunity that sex affords us. And more often than not, sex ends up being at the bottom of a long list of priorities. But viewing sex through a different lens — something you want to do versus have to do — can make all the difference.

Plus, there are health benefits to sex. Orgasms release oxytocin, for example, a hormone that's nicknamed the "bonding hormone" for its ability to bring couples closer together while also alleviating stress, reducing blood pressure, and promoting healing. And who couldn't use more of that?

Many dating tips every realist romantic should follow

 When we talk about dating apps and advices everyone’s had their full. There is finally comes a time, when the usual dos and don’ts in a relationship or the frequent dating advices by your family or friends do not ring a bell anymore. If that’s the case, you’re now into some serious business. We’re all either searching for a perfect partner or a romantic lover, who’ll add some spice into our mundane lives and who’d make us feel loved and cherished at all times. However, would you prefer an ideal yet unromantic love affair or a flawed yet passionate relationship? If you’re a pragmatist and have made peace with your imperfections then you’re sure to choose the latter. In that case, here are 5 dating advices every realist romantic should definitely follow.

A ‘Soul-mate’ is a myth. So stop looking for one!

As much as you like the idea of a ‘Soul-mate’, finding one is all the more difficult and the sooner you understand that, the bigger are your chances to at least find a lovable partner. In the beginning, every person you meet or like will seem like a potential soul-mate, only to be a disappointment in the end. But that does not you stop looking at all. Rather than looking for ‘The One’, you must first concentrate on finding a good partner for yourself.

You’re not selfish if you take some ‘Me’ time

Relationships can surely take a toll on you and your partner. Being together at all times, can either be exhausting or can become monotonous. With that being said, there is nothing wrong in taking some time off of your relationship and investing on yourself. You must learn to give and take some space from your relationship to maintain a healthy relationship.

Stop looking for reasons to change others

Every relationship is flawed and no one can actually do anything about it, but the complexity of these flaws is what makes it even more wonderful and worthwhile. Trying to change someone is like trying to alter everything in that person that initially made you fall in love with him or her. Change is but the only constant, but it’s always wise to wait and let it happen on its own, otherwise it’ll only strain your relationship.

Loosen up on your expectations

A lot of times, our romantic expectations are shaped by the novels that we read or the movies that we watch. We want the same fairy tale love-story or the happily ever after depicted in the stories. However, we must learn to differentiate between what’s real and that which is fictional. The lesser you expect, the better it is.

If you don’t feel it anymore, end it maturely like an adult

If you don’t feel the love anymore, one of the most realistic thing to do is to end it and deal with it like a grown up. There’s no use dramatizing the situation and beating around the bushes. If you’re both not interested in it anymore or don’t feel enthused about each other, it’s time to get over with it.