10 Dating Tips I REALLY Wish I'd Followed While I Was Single

Let us save you some time, energy and heartache. You can thank us later.
When I started seeing my husband, aka the first guy I wasn't embarrassed to tell my therapist about, I was gobsmacked to realize how much I hadn't known about dating before then.
In fact, I'd been going about being single all wrong. I didn't have very much fun at it, which is depressing since I didn't pair up until my 30s.
Besides, so much luck was involved in my finding my match that there are probably more alternate universes where I'm still living solo than where I'm married.
I realize that my past experiences have made me who I am today, but I still wish I could go back in time and have a sisterly chat with poor, clueless, "younger me."
I could've written three novels, started a business and hiked the Appalachian Trail with all the wasted time and energy. It's too late for me, but maybe you can learn from what I wish I knew then.
1. Finding a romantic partner is only one of many goals you can have at once. There's a difference between making something a priority and having an obsession. No one wants to be the Captain Ahab of the dating world.
2. When you like a guy, and your mutual friends have multiple anecdotes about him projectile vomiting after excessive drinking, you need to rethink the infatuation. You didn't like it when your godson hurled on you, and he was a toddler.
3. It's not about getting someone to think you're good enough for them. It’s about finding someone you can stand to spend a ridiculous amount of time with. It's about finding the puzzle piece you fit with and the Ernie to your Bert.
4. Work on your gaydar. It'll make your life much easier.
5. Sometimes boyfriends have little annoying habits. And sometimes they have small behaviors that indicate a complete lack of respect. If you wouldn't let your friend's sweetie talk to her that way, don't put up with it yourself.
6. If you're bored out of your mind at the local bar on Saturday night, you're probably not going to meet anyone there who's going to liven up your evening. Instead of downing an extra cocktail to numb the ennui, think of somewhere else to go next weekend that you might actually enjoy. If your friends don't want to join you, go anyway.
7. Stop worrying about potential paramours rejecting you for being too fat, too short, too whatever. It's entirely possible that you would've had to reject them for never having seen Star Wars (your essential piece of pop culture may vary) anyway. People who simply are "not the right fit" exist. The sooner you weed them out of your life, the happier you'll be.
8. Go to movies by yourself. The same goes for museums, parks and concerts. When you're part of a couple, you miss being free to follow your every whim. Being unattached means not having to compromise on your plans.
9. A first date is not an audition for marriage. It's just a tryout for a second date. No one ever fell in love while analyzing every detail of their momentous first meeting.
10. If a man says that he's too damaged for you (or too neurotic, or too anything), just take his word for it. Even if it is his low self-esteem talking, you're not going to be able to fix him. And it's probably just a euphemism for "I'm just not feeling it."

12 Dating Tips That Will Transform Your Love Life

Real talk: Dating is sometimes harder than it should be. After countless dinners and drinks, it can be tempting to throw in the towel and resign to nights of forever watching Netflix alone in your bed. But when dating is done right, it can be amazing, and those great dates often lead to great relationships. So consider this your dating playbook, with all the information you need to survive the first date and make sure there's a second one.
Go Beyond the Bar Scene
Sure, you might meet the love of your life while sipping gin and tonics, but wouldn't it be so much cooler to say you met at a mud run? You never know where you're going to meet the next person you date, so if you're only looking in one spot (like that bar where you're a regular) then you're missing out on tons of possible partners. We know plenty of couples who have met while standing in line at the grocery store, a Target parking lot, even a naked reality show. The takeaway? Love can crop up anywhere, so get out there and keep your eyes open.
Let Your Friends Set You Up
No one loves you quite like your friends do, so let them set you up with someone that they can vouch for. "It's better for single people to meet through friends because there's a familiarity and comfort that goes with that," says behavioral scientist Christie Hartman, Ph.D. "A friend setting you up means the guy is 'vetted' to some extent." So let them play matchmaker—but first, lay down some rules. Make it clear ahead of time that the way the date goes is totally not a reflection on your friend, or you, or the guy. Hey, sometimes chemistry is there, and sometimes it isn't. So unless your friend is Patti Stanger, remind her that it's no one’s fault if this goes horribly wrong. (But if it goes totally right, you should probably buy her a drink).
Consider Dating Your Friends
The term "friend zone" should totally be banished—in part, because your friends can sometimes make the best dates. Think about it: Someone you're already friends with is likely to have similar values, to know your background and your family, and to make you feel ultra comfortable with them. Plus, friendship is the foundation for any relationship, so having that bond established can be key, says relationship expert Jane Greer, Ph.D., author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship.
Choose the Right Dating Site
The Internet is a beautiful thing: It brought us Twitter, cat videos, Orange Is the New Black, and now, it can bring you love. But when you're ready to make the plunge into online dating, how do you decide which site to sign up for? We found a handy cheat sheet from digital matchmaker Julie Spira, who gave us the lowdown on 12 popular dating sites. Think about what it is you want out of an online dating experience—A hookup? A boyfriend? A marriage?—then choose the site that matches your interests, so you're not just wasting your time online (that's what the cat videos are for).
Focus On First Impressions
First dates can be overwhelming, so streamline your focus into making the first few moments count. It takes only 12 minutes for you to decide if you're interested in the other person (and for them to decide if they dig you) so bring your A-game the second you arrive. To make a stellar first impression, make eye contact, smile, and focus on what he's saying, according to Susan RoAne, author of How to Work a Room: The Ultimate Guide to Making Lasting Connections—In Person and Online. And don’t forget to check in with yourself, too! You might be so focused on making a flawless first impression that you forget to ask yourself if you’re even into the other person.
Don't Play It Cool on a Date
We've all been told that guys love the chase, but according to research, that's not exactly true. One study showed that men are more attracted to responsive women, and women who were kind and warm right off the bat. That doesn't mean being over-the-top eager—you don't have to laugh at his jokes if they're not funny—but it's definitely OK to respond to that text in a timely manner, or tell him how much fun you're having. Being kind is definitely a turn on, so forget what you’ve been told about playing it ice-cold.
Avoid Oversharing
Word-vomit happens, but one way to tank a first date is to admit how long you spent Google stalking him or accidentally blurt out, "Woah, you look exactly like my ex!" The censorship walls can come down after a little bit, but try to steer clear of these awkward comments on a first date, or we're guessing there won't be a second one.
Pay Attention to HOW You Talk to Each Other
It's more than just what you're saying—it's how you say it. One study showed that when men talk to a woman they find attractive, they tend to vary their vocal pitch from high to low tones (in a sing-songy way). If you're looking to analyze the long-term potential, pay attention to the types of words you both use. Another study suggested that people who use the same function words (maybe you both say "quite" and "tons" a lot) are more likely to couple up and stay together.
Follow Their Gaze
Is it love at first sight? It depends on where their eyeballs land. Research suggests that when someone feels a romantic connection, his or her gaze tends to linger on the other person's face. When they just feel sexual desire, their eyes tend to wander around the person's body. During the next date you're on, follow their gaze. If he's staring into your eyes all night, there’s a good chance he's really into you.
Don't Let Your Friends Ruin Your Vibe
Getting your friends' (and family's) opinion on your new beau is essential, but if you ask too soon, it could color your own feelings. One study showed that when opinions were framed differently—saying that "seven out of ten" people liked your date, versus "three out of ten" people didn't like him—it can seriously affect our own evaluation. So you might want to avoid asking for an outside opinion until you've gotten the chance to make one yourself.
If You're Not Into Him, Move On
Dating someone who you're just not into is a total waste of time. Be realistic with yourself: Are you embarrassed to call him your "boyfriend"? Has he met your friends? Would you rather be watching Netflix than talking to him? Are you only with him for fear of being single? These are all good signs that you're just not that into him, and you should peace out of this relationship. Trust us, being single is way better than being in a crappy relationship.
If At First You Don’t Succeed? Try, Try Again
We heard about a woman who committed to going on 100 dates this summer as a way of learning more about herself, and what she wants in a partner. While we don't think you necessarily need to do a dating marathon, it's often important to just get out there—especially if you feel like you’re in a rut. So when your date goes awry, or that relationship turns out to be a dud, don't give up. Your next amazing date might be right around the corner.

People Confess The Real Reasons They Cheated On Their SO

No, seriously, I don’t get it. Obviously, life is complicated, things happen and there’s no real black-and-white answer to anything, but cheating is just something I can’t really even begin to fathom.
The ground rules of a monogamous relationship are pretty simple: Don’t boink other people. No matter what sort of monogamous relationship you’re in, that’s pretty much the one bottom line.
SO WHY AGREE TO THAT IF YOU DON’T INTEND ON KEEPING UP YOUR END OF THE BARGAIN?
He shouldn’t have been in a relationship in the first place.
I shouldn’t have been in a relationship in the first place as I wanted to fuck every decent looking girl I met. And if they were up for it, then we went at it.
I’m done with all that now.
His girlfriend was too vanilla in bed.
We had been slowly falling out of love and turning into roommates that occasionally rubbed privates together.
There was a lot of talk about spicing it up in the bedroom but by her own admission, she’s pretty vanilla and didn’t want to wrap her head around the idea of other positions besides missionary and her being on top.
I had been training a very attractive and smart woman at work who noticed I was having a hard time one day and I spilled everything out to her at lunch.
A few more weeks of shameless flirting between the both of us culminated in an incredible night in a hotel room that currently holds the top preferred customer spot in my spank bank.
It felt awful imagining my girlfriend’s face but at that point the path ahead was crystal clear, we broke up the next day and I never told her what happened. The co-worker and I continued to date off and on for two years. We never could make a relationship work but fell back on the sex.. that whole time was full of lessons I’m still learning.His girlfriend wasn’t there for him in his time of need, but his ex was.I was in a serious car accident.
My GF at the time was really busy and couldn’t be there for me the way I wished. But my ex was. One thing led to another, and I ended up sleeping with my ex.
Worst decision of my life
She never trusted him in the first place.
The reason was because she was constantlly [sic] accusing me of cheating after I caught her cheating and speaking with her ex behind my back.
She would steal my belongings and if I broke up with her she would use that against me to force me to talk to her and eventually get back together because sex…
Just ended a month ago when she caught me on a date with another girl and hit me with her car. So it was kinda worth it. Though my custom made ironwood bear, watch and ps4 are gone now ??
It was just a drunken mistake.
There wasn’t any logic.
I was drunk and didn’t stop the advances of another girl.
I had never been so happy than in my prior relationship. Never felt so loved and loved someone so much.
I gave up everything in a split second….
It was payback for what he put her through.
My SO had cheated on me multiple times, and one night I said “fk it” and went out to get drunk with work mates.
I met a guy that I worked with that treated me like a princess, was attentive and all around sweet. We hit it off. It wasn’t intentional, it just happened.
I remember thinking that it was a bad idea and then thought “you know what, I deserve happiness too. It’s not all about [my SO]”.
I left my SO the next day. Best decision I ever made.
He was thinking with his dick.
No logic. Thinking with my dick.
Feels good in the moment then regrets later.
Why would I risk so much for such a stupid fleeting feeling? I love my SO.
This is way back in my past and I’ve learned a lot and wisened [sic] up.
He was self-destructing.
I was in bad shape in terms of mental health and I went through bouts of wanting to self destruct. Basically, I wanted to feel like garbage and sleeping with people who didn’t care about me did that. I did a lot of other self destructive things as well.
You know how they say “I should have been on the back of your mind.” or some crap like that? The truth is, I wasn’t thinking about my SO at all when I did those things, even though I loved them deeply.
I just wanted to kill myself without killing myself.
The “right” woman just wasn’t right for him.
I was with a woman who should have been “right” for me.
But, she was cold, distant and a bit of a bitch. She was smart, witty, well liked and highly thought-of by colleagues and friends; but, behind closed doors, she was the opposite.
I tried to change her, I even tried changing myself.
She had “accidentally” cheated on me earlier in our relationship, and when I met someone who was nice to me and made me feel good about myself… Well, I went for it. Cheated on my SO.
But, to be fair, I dumped her immediately afterward.
The relationship was terrible.
I was in a terrible relationship where we didn’t get along at all.
There were rumours that she was with another guy. I though [sic] “fuck you” and just started hitting it off with some other girl.
We broke up just a few weeks later but the relationship with the other girl lasted three times longer.
I’d say it was worth it.
Her boyfriend was never in the mood.
Our sexual chemistry wasn’t in tune.
He simply was NEVER in the mood. I tried so damn hard – gently giving tips, suggestions etc, but no dice. He just didn’t fuck me. I would buy nice lingerie which he chose, wear it with his response being “sexy” and turning back to the computer.
Eventually I met guys who wanted to have sex and I did. We broke up after I realized how much I could get away with.
The only think [sic] I regret is not ending the relationship sooner.
He lets himself get tempted toward the end of a relationship.
I’m an asshole, and basically when I feel the relationship is coming to an end I’ll let myself get tempted. I’m single now, and I have a lot of growing up to do.
Her constant complaining finally got to him.
I mean I wouldn’t say there was much logic behind it.
I felt like shit about myself and my partners constant complaining about everything was bringing me down.
I should have broken up with her but instead I fucked someone else.
He slipped up with an ex.
My ex and I were still living with one another. She wanted one last hurrah and wouldn’t leave it alone.
I could have done a lot of things differently and I’m filled with regret but that ruined the beginning of the best relationship I’ve ever had. It destroyed trust and its all my fault.
Aside from other issues this was a big error but it has forced me to become better than who I was.
I just wanted my ex out of my life but I should have been honest. Lying is a death sentence for relationships.
It all comes down to one thing…